You cannot afford self-doubt

Are you feeling a little off your game lately? Maybe you goofed on a recent project or didn't quite reach an important goal. Maybe your star that used to be shining is feeling a bit dim. Whatever the case, you're having a serious crisis of confidence.

I understand where you're coming from; it can happen to anyone. Sometimes when you've been doing pretty well and then hit a dry patch, it can shake you. Or if you have been in a rough place for a while now, that certainly can take its toll. The result can be self-doubt, anxiety, shaky confidence and fear.

I remember really botching a speaking engagement a while back. I went to the stage with excitement and confidence, as usual. But somewhere in the middle of what I was saying, I did something I had never done before. I lost my words. I could not remember the quote. I was blank. Nothing was there. My skin got hot. I started coughing, sputtering all over the place. An auditorium of hundreds of people stared back at me, the graduation speaker. Someone brought me some water, which gave me a moment to recover, but the rhythm was lost. I eventually recovered and went on to finish my talk. Actually, the audience finished it for me, for when I paused after saying something, thunderous applause broke out. The audience clapped me off the stage!

That moment certainly gave me pause and could have become even bigger in my mind but I knew self-doubt could not take hold. I had to remember that I was really good at this and that moment didn't define me. I knew why I lost the quote -- I wasn't absolutely sure of it and should have studied it more. So I prepared better for the next engagement and was back to my usual form. I rocked the house!

So while I understand where you are, I'm here to tell you that you cannot allow yourself to dwell in that place. You must come out of it. That's because self-doubt has a way of eating away at everything you've accomplished and what you're working toward and replacing it with ... nothing. That's right, nothing.

Self-doubt paralyzes you. It makes you question every action and in the midst of the questions, it pins your arms behind your back because you're so afraid to move. You're afraid whatever action you make will be the wrong one.

That's why you can't afford self-doubt. And you've got to dig yourself out of that hole and get back into the game.

Here is how:

1. Remember something you did really well. It's tempting to focus on all the mistakes you've made (and maybe there are plenty) at this time, but do something else instead. Focus on something you rocked at doing. Remember the feeling of pride that washed over you when you did it? Remember the good effect your work produced? Remember how well everything worked out? Bask in the emotions of that moment. Write down what you did, why it worked and what was so good about it.

2. Consider three things you are good at doing. OK, so you might not be good at everything (nobody is), but I know there are some things you do pretty well. Maybe you knit, draw, sing or write well. Maybe you're a great organizer, master of the computer or cook. It doesn't matter whether your list includes things you do at work or in your personal life, just make a list of at least three things you are good at doing.

3. Face the bum deal. Yep, that's right, be honest about what went wrong with the thing you recently goofed at doing. Did you underestimate how much time it would take to complete? Did you not have enough information to make it happen? Did you not give it the proper amount of attention? Write about this. Focus on the actual action and its real reasons for failing and not your emotions. Be matter-of-fact. Write down how these factors can be overcome or addressed.

4. Decide if it's a big deal. Is the thing you failed at a big deal or have you just made it big in your head? If it's truly a big deal, think about how you can fix it now and create a plan to do so, taking into account the reason it failed in the first place (remember, you just wrote about that). If it's not a big deal, consider what new goal you want to tackle and create a plan for making it happen.

5. Set a new goal and deadline. Now, look back at what you wrote about in item four. Focus on the new goal and plan you've just written about. You're either looking at attacking the original goal again or attacking a different one. You've written down a plan for making it happen. Review your plan and attach a realistic deadline.

Get going! The exercise you've just done is a very good way to dispel self-doubt and get your head right again. The first questions helped you refocus on the good you have done and all that you can do, instead of the negative self-doubt. This is important because focusing on your past success reminds you that you have a lot going for you. The remaining questions helped you put your recent failure or slump into perspective, find a way to address it if it is truly something worth addressing. The final part of the exercise was designed to help you get into action by giving you a plan and a deadline.

So use this exercise to kick self-doubt to the curb and get back on track. Do this now, and you're well on your way to another success!