You cannot afford self-doubt

Are you feeling a little off your game lately? Maybe you goofed on a recent project or didn't quite reach an important goal. Maybe your star that used to be shining is feeling a bit dim. Whatever the case, you're having a serious crisis of confidence.

I understand where you're coming from; it can happen to anyone. Sometimes when you've been doing pretty well and then hit a dry patch, it can shake you. Or if you have been in a rough place for a while now, that certainly can take its toll. The result can be self-doubt, anxiety, shaky confidence and fear.

I remember really botching a speaking engagement a while back. I went to the stage with excitement and confidence, as usual. But somewhere in the middle of what I was saying, I did something I had never done before. I lost my words. I could not remember the quote. I was blank. Nothing was there. My skin got hot. I started coughing, sputtering all over the place. An auditorium of hundreds of people stared back at me, the graduation speaker. Someone brought me some water, which gave me a moment to recover, but the rhythm was lost. I eventually recovered and went on to finish my talk. Actually, the audience finished it for me, for when I paused after saying something, thunderous applause broke out. The audience clapped me off the stage!

That moment certainly gave me pause and could have become even bigger in my mind but I knew self-doubt could not take hold. I had to remember that I was really good at this and that moment didn't define me. I knew why I lost the quote -- I wasn't absolutely sure of it and should have studied it more. So I prepared better for the next engagement and was back to my usual form. I rocked the house!

So while I understand where you are, I'm here to tell you that you cannot allow yourself to dwell in that place. You must come out of it. That's because self-doubt has a way of eating away at everything you've accomplished and what you're working toward and replacing it with ... nothing. That's right, nothing.

Self-doubt paralyzes you. It makes you question every action and in the midst of the questions, it pins your arms behind your back because you're so afraid to move. You're afraid whatever action you make will be the wrong one.

That's why you can't afford self-doubt. And you've got to dig yourself out of that hole and get back into the game.

Here is how:

1. Remember something you did really well. It's tempting to focus on all the mistakes you've made (and maybe there are plenty) at this time, but do something else instead. Focus on something you rocked at doing. Remember the feeling of pride that washed over you when you did it? Remember the good effect your work produced? Remember how well everything worked out? Bask in the emotions of that moment. Write down what you did, why it worked and what was so good about it.

2. Consider three things you are good at doing. OK, so you might not be good at everything (nobody is), but I know there are some things you do pretty well. Maybe you knit, draw, sing or write well. Maybe you're a great organizer, master of the computer or cook. It doesn't matter whether your list includes things you do at work or in your personal life, just make a list of at least three things you are good at doing.

3. Face the bum deal. Yep, that's right, be honest about what went wrong with the thing you recently goofed at doing. Did you underestimate how much time it would take to complete? Did you not have enough information to make it happen? Did you not give it the proper amount of attention? Write about this. Focus on the actual action and its real reasons for failing and not your emotions. Be matter-of-fact. Write down how these factors can be overcome or addressed.

4. Decide if it's a big deal. Is the thing you failed at a big deal or have you just made it big in your head? If it's truly a big deal, think about how you can fix it now and create a plan to do so, taking into account the reason it failed in the first place (remember, you just wrote about that). If it's not a big deal, consider what new goal you want to tackle and create a plan for making it happen.

5. Set a new goal and deadline. Now, look back at what you wrote about in item four. Focus on the new goal and plan you've just written about. You're either looking at attacking the original goal again or attacking a different one. You've written down a plan for making it happen. Review your plan and attach a realistic deadline.

Get going! The exercise you've just done is a very good way to dispel self-doubt and get your head right again. The first questions helped you refocus on the good you have done and all that you can do, instead of the negative self-doubt. This is important because focusing on your past success reminds you that you have a lot going for you. The remaining questions helped you put your recent failure or slump into perspective, find a way to address it if it is truly something worth addressing. The final part of the exercise was designed to help you get into action by giving you a plan and a deadline.

So use this exercise to kick self-doubt to the curb and get back on track. Do this now, and you're well on your way to another success!

Face your fear and find your own victory | March 23, 2009

When I was in high school on a church trip to Florida, a boy pushed me into the hotel pool and I thought I would drown, as I thrashed about under the water before someone jumped in to drag me to the surface and safety.

That fear stayed with me for many years, though I didn't consciously think I was afraid of drowning. In fact, I tried over and over in college and afterward to learn how to swim. All to no avail. Friends tried to teach me. Even my baby sister, who is 14 years younger than me, tried to teach me. I took a class, thinking maybe it was the amateur instructors who were the problem. But that didn't work, either.

Finally, after years of wanting to learn, but somehow being held hostage by the back-of-the-mind memory of that night I almost drowned, my husband taught me how to swim. And while I felt great being able to swim in the end of the pool where I could stand up if I wanted, he pushed me harder: I had to go to the deep end!

I resisted. I was not at all interested in swimming in water that could cover my head or in water where I could not control my situation. As it was, learning to swim in the shallow end was a big enough feat. I had overcome years of subconscious anxiety. But my husband knew my real victory would be if I could put aside the fear of the deep end of the pool and trust my new-found swimming ability. So he insisted. And finally, after a few days of his insistence, I yielded. I went to the deep end of the pool.

And I swam!

Have you ever been knocked down by something in life? Maybe you felt like it just got the best of you. Maybe it was a failure at work. Maybe it was a failure in school or in a relationship or even business. Whatever the case, the thing that seemed to knock you down really set you back.

Like me, you might have even thought the thing almost killed you. And so you developed a resistance to that thing. You just gave up on it, or didn't even go near it again.

But maybe it's time to give that thing another try. Maybe with more training or more education or more experience, you're in a better position to face the situation and come out on top.

Swimming is now one of my favorite activities. I still have much to learn, but I am so happy to be free of the fear that held me back for so many years. And now that I've been able to manage my fear, I see the benefit swimming provides. It's fun. It's a low impact way to exercise. It's a great time to hang out with my spouse. I've not gotten to swim much lately, but I'm looking forward to getting back to it this summer. I'm so happy my husband insisted that I look beyond my fear.

Facing our fears and overcoming failure isn't something most of us look forward to doing. Instead, we insulate ourselves against repeating those mistakes by refusing to try the thing again or refusing to face new challenges. But if we were to just get back out there, we could find that we've not only managed the fear, but facing the fear could be a chance to create much more joy, abundance, impact or opportunity in our lives. And that is a true victory.

So what victory is fear keeping you from today?

How to find people to pay you for doing what you love | February 27, 2009

I know it can be tough to turn talent, skills and experiences into income. But it’s possible. I know because I’ve been able to do it. I’ve run my own business for the past seven years, and the business started out of my writing. It has since expanded and has allowed me to share my writing ability in the form of ghostwriting books for others, creating content for Web sites, writing books under my own name and a host of other projects we handle at RootSky Creative.

And I’ve also been able to turn my experiences into income by becoming a professional speaker. I get paid to share inspiration, information and ideas with college students and administrators, organizations and companies, to help individuals see beyond their self-imposed limitations, create solutions and produce better results. The tips I’m sharing here actually work.

So here are ways to find people to pay you to use your talents, skills and abilities, or to share your experiences:

1. Go back to the list of uses for your talents you created yesterday. Now, identify the top three uses you’d most enjoy. Do a Google search on those uses. You’ll likely get a huge list, so narrow it down from there. You can narrow it down by geographic region, industry (if applicable) or other category.

Study your findings to see how people already are earning money using their talents in the way you’ve identified. For instance, if you did a search on joke writing, you would come up with more than 30 million hits. You would see that people earn money writing jokes for radio, greeting card companies, professional speakers, awards shows and events, and a host of other engagements. See, bet you hadn’t thought about all that, huh?

2. Make a list of the types of people, places or companies you’ve just discovered hire people for the use you just searched. Going with our joke writing example, your list might include radio stations, professional speakers, greeting card companies, etc.

3. Now, do a search on the word hiring and the particular job. For instance, a search on hiring and joke writer yields more than 3 million hits. This gives additional information on types of companies that hire, plus this will yield names.

4. Ask around. Find people who do the thing you are interested in doing and ask them for pointers. Be mindful of their time, because if they are doing the thing you aspire to do, they’re probably busy. But chances are, they won’t mind a sincere question or two. You can find these people by looking around your community, reading the newspaper, reading relevant magazines, and asking friends. If you have a question about launching a writing career or speaking, ask me. I’ll be happy to answer it.

5. Go where the people who need you are. For instance, if you have decided to draw on your experience as the formerly fat person who has kept off 300 pounds for more than five years and you want to educate others about wellness and weight loss, then you might consider passing out your fliers outside the food court at the mall, e-mailing them to friends who used to go out to eat with you in the old days or putting them on the cars in the parking lot of the buffet restaurant — trespassing laws, aside, of course. The point here is to get your message to the people who need what you are trying to sell.

6. Put yourself out there. Start letting others know you have taken up this new career. Tell them you’re taking on new clients, projects, business or whatever fits.

7. Get your feet wet. When you’re starting out, it’s OK to work for a reduced rate, or in very specific situations, to even volunteer, just so you get the experience and work out the kinks. As you get better and gain more experience, set your rates appropriately.

These are just a few ways you can find people to pay you for doing what you love. Your new venture may just be a fun side gig or you may find you enjoy it so much it becomes a full-time endeavor! Whatever the case, when you free yourself from self-imposed limitations about what you can’t do — “Oh, I can’ t earn money as a writer. Nobody will pay me to bake cookies for them. I’ll never make it as an artist.” — then you’ll be amazed at how many opportunities there are to do the thing you love!