Dumped, fired and evicted. What would you do?

I struck up a friendship with a man I met in 2005 at a speakers' conference. We chatted at the event, and afterward, he began calling to tell me about his attempts to jump-start his speaking career. Of course, as is the case when a friendship develops, the conversation covers things other than business. He told me about his new romance, his job search, his plans to move out of his mom's house and into his own place. Then came news that the girlfriend had kicked him to the curb, he had been fired from the job, the apartment manager had evicted him.

Tough breaks, all.

All while he was trying to build this dynamic speaking career, spreading hope and enlightenment to others.

Unfortunately, that's what often happens on the way to our dreams, or as we're building our lives. It's never a smooth process, where one day we dream and the next day we reach the mountaintop. Instead, we're most likely going to have many good days mixed with a bunch of not great days. If you're like my speaker friend, you may even feel as if everything is coming down on you and your very hope may be threatened.

Through all of this with my friend, I tried to encourage him to keep pressing forward. Not everything I said was what he wanted to hear -- I had to tell him when I thought he was doing something dumb, when I thought he should "man up," even when I thought he was wimping out. But I also told him when I thought he was doing well and when I had ideas that could help him.

And things are working out for him now. After years of seeming to get nowhere with his speaking career, he has called me several times in recent weeks to share news of new speaking gigs he has lined up or is in the process of lining up. In the midst of experiencing these setbacks, he has found a new sense of self and a confidence that can come across in his speaking. Now, he can talk about real-life experiences and touch lives in a way he could not earlier, because he will speak from a place of knowing and overcoming the everyday challenges, and still holding onto that drive.

I'm excited for him! It's been a very long journey. He could have given up anywhere along the way, and most probably would have expected him to do so. At times he had to take smaller steps than he wanted -- accept smaller speaking gigs than he really wanted, take on non-speaking jobs to have money to support his speaking business, etc. -- just to hang in there. It wasn't the glamorous life he envisioned when he started, but he realized he had to go through the tough times to get to the stuff his dreams were made of.

The reason I share this story is to remind you that your journey to the life you dream of having will be a bumpy one, but if you just hang in there, you will get there. And you may find that the tough times (as unwelcome as they are) make you richer; your journey may actually be a tool you can use to touch others in a way you never even imagined.

It's easy to feel discouraged -- or even to feel like a fraud when it seems that you should be further along than you are -- but those are just momentary setbacks. Stay the course. Sometimes you have to take smaller steps just to stay on track. If a smaller step will help you keep moving forward, then take that smaller step. Then when you've gotten your bearings again and are in better shape, take the bigger steps you prefer.

Most see setbacks and rather than taking a detour -- or smaller steps -- they just sit down on the roadside of life and give up altogether. They settle. They settle for relationships that don't fulfill them. They settle for careers that bug them. They settle for lives that are not even a fraction of all they dream. All because of a few tough days.

Whether it's the economy that's gotten you sitting on the roadside of life or your weight issue or a relationship disappointment or any number of other things, now is the time to regroup. Take one step to get back on the journey. Even if that one step is a small one. Just put one foot in front of the other.

And gradually, you'll get closer to where you want to be.

Six tips to overcoming setbacks:
1. Acknowledge the hurt. Disappointment stings.
2. Consider why the problem arose. Looking for answers now will help you avoid repeating the mistake in the future.
3. Have a gut-check moment. Ask yourself if you're ready to move forward. Be honest.
4. Pick a new goal. Find something new to work toward. It can be a revision of the goal that failed, or it can be something altogether new. Just choose something that excites you.
5. Create a plan. Figure out how you will approach this new goal. Enlist the help of others, if you need it. (Even emotional support, such as what I gave my speaker friend, counts.)
6. Get to moving! Nothing pushes aside negative feelings (and the tendency to wallow in self-pity) faster than action.

Feed your mind every day if you want to be strong | April 7, 2009

Sometimes, all you need is to get your head right. But with so many challenges coming from all directions, it can be pretty difficult to clear your mind of the negative and find the desire to do something good.

That's why we all need to feed ourselves with things that nurture us. Just as we must eat food every day to remain strong and healthy, so we must consume motivational, inspirational and informative content on a daily basis.

Doing so allows us to keep our emotional, mental, intellectual and spiritual energy up. And that's important so we are able to face the tough tasks ahead. Consuming inspirational, motivational and informative content gives us confidence, helps us see life in a different way and teaches us to do something better. Of course this blog is a great resource full of inspiration and information, as is the rest of the Knowledge Wealth Series Web site, but there are many other resources to help you on your way.

A neat resource passed on to me earlier has an absolute plethora of inspirational, motivational and informative talks to boost your mood, expand your knowledge and help you get (or stay) on track. Check out 100 Edifying Talks for Self-Improvement and Lifehacking. You'll find talks on a range of topics, including the environment, health, business, arts and culture, relationships and more.

Feeding your mind and spirit doesn't have to be overwhelming. Just find information that's of interest to you and that can help you. Consume a little bit every day and you'll find yourself in a better mood, with a better state of mind. And ultimately, you'll produce better results and enjoy doing it!